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The conservative elite media is having one of their standard hissy fits over the revelation that America’s nuclear launch codes were stored on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s personal Kindle Fire.  In typically hysterical fashion, Fox News correspondents have been fretting all day about “unacceptable recklessness” and “national security” and “nuclear holocaust” (whatever that means – sounds like some made-up anti-Semitic nonsense).

When a nosy reporter with too much time on his hands asked why she would keep such sensitive information on her Kindle, Secretary Clinton cleverly pointed out that “Computer networks are compromised all the time, but you never hear about anybody’s mobile device getting hacked, do you?”  The reporter, who had obviously read too many tabloids in the checkout line, then started to tell some fanciful story about cell phones being hacked, but Clinton just cackled, as she does, and told the reporter he would need to go to the back of the line if he wanted any further contact with her.

To get ahead of any possible (fabricated) controversy, President Obama granted an exclusive interview to neutral, unbiased MSNBC anchorwoman, Rachel Maddow, a partial transcript of which follows:

Maddow:  Good morning, Mr. President, you are looking exceedingly Presidential today, sir.

Obama:  Thank you, Rachel.  I appreciate your nonpartisan compliments, as always.

Maddow:  OK, what’s all this garbage about launch codes on Hillary’s Kindle?

Obama:  Secretary Clinton had our nuclear launch codes on her Kindle.

Maddow:  You are so refreshingly honest.  How did this happen?

Obama:  Look, I don’t micromanage every federal government employee.  Do you know how many federal government employees there are?

Maddow:  Not nearly enough!

Obama:  You got that right!

(A fist bump is shared between the two.)

Maddow:  But, of course, your racist critics will say this wasn’t some low-level IRS agent, this was the Secretary of State.

Obama:  Well, I certainly wouldn’t MICROmanage such a MAJOR position.

Maddow:  That’s totally logical.  Now, my understanding is that this non-issue is no longer an issue.

Obama:  That’s correct.  Secretary Clinton deleted the launch codes from her Kindle.

Maddow:  Hear that, American people?  Only President Obama has access to the codes.

Obama:  Well, not exactly.

Maddow:  What do you mean?

Obama:  Secretary Clinton’s copy of the launch codes was our only copy.

Maddow:  So…we can’t launch our nuclear weapons?

Obama:  The nuclear option is off the table.

Maddow:  Oh.  Maybe you shouldn’t have told me that.

Obama:  What do you mean?

Maddow:  Well, publicly taking military options off the table might embolden our enemies, right?  Isn’t this the kind of thing that should be kept secret?

Obama:  Transparency is one of the hallmarks of my administration, Rachel.

Maddow:  Well done, sir.  It was an honor to conduct this neutral, unbiased interview.

Honesty. Transparency.  No micromanaging.  The country remains in good hands, people.  Nothing to see here.  Move along.  Clinton in 2016.